When Helping Helps at Christmas Time
What we have learned about gift giving during the festive season
In this first of two instalments about gifts and celebrating the Christmas season, we take this opportunity to thank our volunteers, community partners and supporters for their invaluable contributions to our ministry in 2023.
Give gifts to parents, not to kids.
In the book "When Helping Hurts", author Steve Corbett discusses the importance of empowering people to help themselves instead of just giving them handouts. This principle applies to many aspects of life, including gift-giving.
Based on our ten years of experience serving these amazingly resilient families, LHCC parents prefer to be treated with dignity. They feel that it is their role to be the sole provider for their children, and generally do not want others to interfere with that role. Some parents, especially fathers, feel that giving gifts to their children is their responsibility. Giving their children gifts may be considered a way to undermine their role as a parent.
In the context of fathers and gift-giving, it can be tempting to simply give a child a gift as a way of showing affection or support. However, Corbett argues that this can be harmful in the long run. Instead, he suggests that it is more helpful to find ways to help fathers and parents provide for their children themselves.
Corbett's argument is based on the idea that people are more likely to value something that they have earned themselves. When a father is able to provide for his children through his own hard work, he is more likely to feel a sense of pride and accomplishment.
Children often receive gifts out of a sense of obligation or guilt. This is where we like to ensure the parent is in control of the gifting and can ensure that the Christmas message is attached.
Some pertinent examples of how LHCC applies these learnings as we bless our families:
- We ask that volunteers discreetly provide gifts to parent’s, designated for their children. We want the parent to be the hero. The parents know the hero who blessed the family. It goes without saying that volunteers are not obligated to provide gifts. Their contribution through time and talent is more than sufficient.
- We do not provide toys for kids. In consultation with parents, we determine who needs help with Christmas gifts. We are advocates of helpful gifts, like clothes, scholastic games, and books.
- An organization offers to provide new custom bicycles for our kids. We ask parents who really needs a bicycle and can store indoors. We give the bicycle discreetly so parents can provide the bicycle to the child.
- Educate parents on sharing the message behind the gift.
- Donated gifts and clothes are made available to parents for them to choose based on their need.
- We do not decide who needs what or assume they need something. This is a key to maintaining trust and giving with dignity.
We wish you a Happy Thanksgiving with friends and family and thank you again for your support of our ministry and the families we serve.
Brent Morris
November 19, 2023
